Back to the beginning



So after 12 months of wellness, I've ended up back where I was at the beginning, in hospital. It's not where I wanted to be, but I realise it is where I need to be. Two days ago I stepped onto the road. My emotional pain became so great that I was willing to risk my life to end it. If it wasn't for my mum grabbing the neck of my cardigan to pull me back onto the curb I could be dead now, and I certainly don't want to die.

People might read this and think 'why would you step into traffic if you don't want to die?'. The thing is when your emotional pain is so great, the idea that you can replace it with physical pain is sometimes too enticing. In that moment of intense emotional anguish, physical pain, even death, doesn't seem so scary.

When reflecting later on what I had done, it seemed as if someone else had taken over my body. It wasn't me at that moment. The girl who stepped onto the road had forgotten how important she was. That she was needed as a mum, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. That she had two beautiful children that would miss her dearly if anything happened to her. In fact, my mum yelled out 'Think of Ivy and Rowan' as I stepped out, bringing me back to the present suddenly, and making me realise what I was doing. 

A week ago I saw a nutritionist who thinks she can cure me of this horrible disease, and I believe her. She backs all her arguments with scientific research and I feel confident she might be able to follow through on her promise. I am willing to try anything to get better because my children deserve it, my husband deserves it, my parents and siblings deserve it, my friends deserve it, and I bloody deserve it.

This disease is horrible. It robs you of who you truly are. It makes you feel numb inside and convinces you that you are worthless. It is a battle every day, but it's a battle worth fighting. I forgot that when I stepped onto that road. I forgot what I was fighting for.

Who I'm fighting for

Comments

  1. cynthia7 April 2025 at 01:40

    I am writing to share my heartfelt thanks to Dr. Harry for the incredible results he achieved in treating me and my cousin's sister. I was cured of the herpes virus through his herbal remedy, and my cousin's sister also experienced a full recovery from the same condition. This is a truly remarkable testimony to Dr. Harry's dedication and the efficacy of his treatment. I feel compelled to share my story so that others can access his healing services. If you are seeking treatment, I urge you to contact Dr. Harry via email at drharryherbs@gmail.com for a chance at better health

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